


At Least I Got You In My Head

by lordbatty



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Being a teenager is hard, F/M, Gen, M/M, Trans Marco Diaz, post Sleepover episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 19:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14456223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordbatty/pseuds/lordbatty
Summary: Being a teenager was hard enough without stacking secrets on top of secrets. At least, for Marco Diaz, that’s exactly how it seemed to be anymore





	At Least I Got You In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> recently started binge watching SVTFOE with my fiancee and BOY DID THAT SLEEPOVER EPISODE GET ME. I also mcfucking love Marco and all those wonderful transgirl Marco things and I didn't plan on this being my first SVTFOE fic, but such is life! I am working on two more that are v trans Marco and Tomco centered.
> 
> enjoy, and happy reading! ♥

_ “I told you, I have a crush on Jackie. At least I think I do. But what does that really mean? I've put her on this sort of pedestal. So do I like the image of her or who she really is? I mean, I like her enough to know that she deserves someone who wants to get to know her, which is definitely me...” _

 

Being a teenager was hard enough without stacking secrets on top of secrets. At least, for Marco Diaz, that’s exactly how it seemed to be anymore. Never mind that he got wrangled into this sleepover mess to begin with. Never mind that he had about a thousand other things on his mind that could have easily been spilled out. Never mind that his heart had been stomped on, crumbled up, torn apart, and effortlessly glued and bandaged back together again. In a single night, no less.

Truth was, he  _ did _ like Jackie. Undoubtedly and now truthfully. And she knew it. But the part of his head and that one corner of his mangled up heart wasn’t so sure. And it was such a tiny sliver of doubt. But why was that doubt there? What triggered it? Sure, it could have been the thousands of other worries and secrets that could have come out, but was that really the cause? 

Marco could have easily chalked all this up to not enough sleep, but he knew that wasn’t the least bit accurate. There was, unfortunately, so much more to all of this than he had wanted. That stupid game of Ponyhead’s was going to haunt and torture him forever, he was sure of it. Or at the very least, the rest of his confusing teenage years. 

His words echoed around his head, bouncing off every wall and surface around his quiet bedroom. He laid in bed, thinking and obsessing over what was said and what had come out. Truth be told, the image of Jackie was everything he wanted to  _ be _ . Not what he  wanted to have. Not even a little bit. Sure, Jackie’s image was cool and everything that he would like to date and get to know, but just her in general made Marco, well, jealous.

He wished he could look that good. That pretty. That . . .  _ free _ . 

Marco knew that much was honest. And it had been enough to fool the game over, so that he wouldn’t have to explain anything further on his end. 

Did he want to get to know Jackie more? Of course he did. Was it to date her? That part, he wasn’t sure of anymore. Being a teenager was confusing on its own, but this? This was too much for him.

Stupidly enough, the only other person his dumb teen brain would vie for attention from was, well, odd to say the least. They’d only had a few run ins and barely liked each other. But the sparks and the mutual misunderstandings were enough to make Marco’s interest become piqued. 

Tom Lucitor was interesting and confusing. Sure, the guy had anger issues and was a little less than pleasant to be around, but according to Star, the guy was trying. And Marco, for those brief moments he and Tom had interacted, could not figure out why his brain was drawn to the demon. Or why that little damaged up piece of his heart was trying to splinter into two. 

Being a teenager was stupid and complicated. It was even worse when you didn’t feel right in your own body and your head and heart were constantly arguing over the girl that you’d been trying to get to know since forever and the mysterious guy from dimensions away. 

Marco didn’t want to talk about any of this. He didn’t even want to think about it. He was feeling lower and lower the more he mulled on it, but he was too tired to stop. And too conflicted from the night before to make it shut up. For a brief moment, he’d had everything he wanted right there with Jackie; even if wasn’t the way he had pictured it going. At least he had that for a while. 

And Tom? Well, at least Tom was in his head for the time being.That was at least safer than the whole mess that had happened in front of Jackie.

Some secrets were safe, at the very least, for now. Marco could rest easy on keeping his lips zipped up for two things. For his own sanity.

Marco’s eyes closed, hugging the pillow to his head with both arms and curling himself up into a ball under the covers. So much had happened in a single night and it was enough to make him question, well, a lot of things. Maybe it was part of being a teenager, maybe this was just how his life was going now. He was only fourteen, sure, but he didn’t want to wait. He didn’t want the better years of his life to pass by without, well, chance and risks. Star had already taught him that much. 

_ “I told you, I have a crush on Jackie. At least I think I do. But what does that really mean? I've put her on this sort of pedestal. So do I like the image of her or who she really is….?” _

If the brain had an off switch, Marco knew that he definitely didn’t know about it. At the very least, he hoped that exhaustion would soon take him over and just let him sleep. With any luck, he wouldn’t even have any dreams that would further complicate his teenaged dilemmas. Hormones, moods, emotions, and thoughts were a beast to fight and argue with. Even more than any monster he’d battled over the course of the last year. Marco knew that he’d rather face all of that than what was going on inside his head and inside that battered up heart of his.

“Just go to sleep, Marco,” he mumbled to himself, eyes drooping closed. “Go to sleep and forget about it. When you get up . . . . it’ll . . . . it’ll all be over. Nobody will remember anything . . .”

At least, that’s what he  _ hoped _ would happen. But once again, that tiny little piece of his heart was trying to hard. Trying to beat along with the rest of the mess. Trying to tell him what he already knew. What was already the absolute Truth. 

But that? That would have to wait. For how long, Marco wasn’t sure. He just knew that for now, it had to wait.

No Tom Lucitor or Jackie Lynn Thomas or . . .  _ anything _ was going to break him apart. Leave him open and vulnerable to the point of crumbling to bits and pieces all over again.

Marco didn’t want to talk about it . . . didn’t want to think about it. But at least for now, he had them in his head. All of those little secrets locked up in a place that not even Star would be able to get him to unlock and bring to light.

And at least for Marco, there would always be single party sleepovers in his bed. Where nobody could stare him down, nobody could question him, and nobody would know what he was  _ really _ thinking.


End file.
